How to be a Powerful Coach – #1 TRUTH

My Top 10 Principles for Being a Powerful Coach

Since I was a little kid, I have been infatuated with power. Having power, gaining power, playing with power and accessing power. I loved model rockets, burning things and making things explode. I loved driving power boats and fast cars. I was pulled over by the police nearly 50 times in my first 10 years of driving! The common thread of my otherwise diverse careers and interests in physics, finance, computers, business and personal growth has always been power.

Throughout my entire life I’ve asked myself questions around how to become more powerful.

In more recent years, I’ve been asking questions like:

What makes a coach ‘powerful’?

– Is it simply me being ‘fearless’ and going ‘deep’? Or is there more to it?

– How does one actually become more powerful as a coach?

Power is important in coaching because power drives creation. The more power there is in your coaching, the more impact you will have and the more money you will make.

Following is the first of my top 10 principles on being a powerful coach. These may not be the paths to power for you, but they are what have helped me to impact the lives of inspiring leaders around the world and to make enough money to provide the life my wife and I once dreamed of.

I will post another one of my principles here each week.

 

Principle #1 – TRUTH

What I focus on more than anything in my coaching is something I learned from my parents as a young boy. In fact, at our house, it was the MOST important thing. That is, to tell the truth.

When someone in a courtroom is called to the witness stand, there is a short ritual where they recite the phrase:

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

These words actually contain four distinct pieces of wisdom for powerful coaching.

 

1. ‘Tell the truth.’ – I do my best to always speak what is in my gut, heart and mind. My truth shows up as a sense of curiosity, dissonance, harmony, certainty, uncertainty and other feelings. Whatever it is, I share it. I share what I see, hear and feel. I do my best not to hold back out of fear that I might be wrong. I no longer keep secrets because I’m worried I might hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t hide anything my body is pointing me to because my head thinks it might not be relevant.

For this affect, I am reminded of the first of two principles Quakers have for meetings where they sit together in silence.

To not speak when moved to do so is a sin.’

 

2. ‘Tell the whole truth.’ – Besides telling a truth of mine that may challenge a person, I try to remember also to share the full context surrounding that truth.

A context I used to leave out was the reason WHY I was challenging the person. Reason’s like ‘because I believe in your potential’ or ‘because I love you’, were true but I didn’t always tell it. Often I assumed the fact that I was their coach was enough. I’ve since found that speaking the truth of my belief in people, my commitment to people and my love for people, while ALSO telling them or asking them something that is confronting, can be as (and sometimes even more) powerful than sharing just the confronting truth.

Another place I find this is useful is in creating total clarity around the reason for inviting someone to a conversation. A partial truth would be ‘because I want to serve you’. The WHOLE truth would be ‘because I am serving lots and lots of people who inspire me, a handful of which I will offer coaching programs to and whom will become my clients’.

 

3. ‘Tell nothing but the truth.’ – Through listening back in my mind to what I have spoken to people, I have learned not to include anything extraneous when I tell the truth. No longer do I pad my truth out of fear. Instead I just do my best to be direct with people.

This doesn’t mean I am curt as I am also remembering to tell the ‘whole’ truth. It does mean, however, that I do not water down the truths I am speaking. I have come to be willing for a long period of silence to follow the dropping of a ‘truth bomb’. These moments are like the ringing in the ears one gets when an explosion happens close by. It’s scary, but also peaceful.

Following on from above, the second Quaker principle is;

To speak when not moved to do so is a sin.’

There is so much power in nothing.

 

4. ‘So help me God.’ – In my early days as a coach, five or six years ago, I thought it was easy for me to tell the truth. It was a high value of mine, so I assumed I was just always doing it. Acknowledging that telling my truth was not easy, however, actually helped me to discover deeper truths within me.

As soon as I acknowledged that there were things I was scared to say, new things began to reveal themselves to me. Questions I hadn’t been aware I was curious to ask, started to surface. These days I often look for which aspect of the conversation I feel discomfort around and then I move towards it, descending down the rabbit hole to a deeper truth.

For me, ‘God’ is the unfolding of life in and through all things. In this sense, I relate to my deepest truths – the ones that I contact not through reason but through body and intuition – as the current of life unfolding through me. To NOT speak these truths then is thus taking an active role in obstructing the unfolding of creation.

To be helped by ‘God’ in telling the truth is a reminder to me that my deepest truths are actually not mine, but they are life’s unfolding.

To get in the way of this (by not speaking them) reminds me of when, as a little kid, I used to try to build dams in the small streams in the forest behind our house. Sometimes it would work, but then the water would go everywhere and make a mess and eventually a pool of water would build up and come crashing through the dam. It was just like how hurricanes and tsunamis take back from man what he put in mother nature’s way.

Nature always finds a way to where she wants to go. I figure I may as well just go with her flow.

Doing so doesn’t make ‘me’ powerful, but it does gives me access to her power. And it is so immense!

 

*** Coaching Questions to Ask Yourself ***

– What feels like an uncomfortable direction to take this conversation?

– What else is true and relevant here that I am not communicating?

– Am I about to say this because it will serve them or because it will make me more comfortable?

– How am I getting in the way by NOT sharing this?

How Problems Can Give You Power

Often when we look for ways ways to fix problems we create even more of them.

However, when we choose to see problems as opportunities, we immediately begin noticing the positive aspects. This engenders a sense of possibility and excitement which gives us energy. Our attitude brightens, our creativity expands and we act from a place of potential rather than lack.

 

 

Mom’s ‘Don’t Have Enough Time’

Mom’s I meet often struggle with guilt around balancing their desire to pursue their personal goals with caring for their kids and family life.

Most important is switching from a scarcity mindset to a capacity mindset. Looking at how much time you do have, rather than dwelling on how much you don’t have is the key to using that time effectively and being at peace with the ever changing balance.

In addition, if you avoid doing something out of fear (scarcity) or guilt, then what are you teaching your children? Your kids learn so much more from who you be than what you say. What do you really want to teach them about what is possible for them in their life?

The ‘How’ is Within You

Looking around for answers on the outside will not help you close the gap between who you are and who you are being.

Don’t listen to others (including me)!

Ask yourself what you are being called to do as a NEXT STEP and do that. You only ever need to know the next step and deep down inside, you already know what that is.

Your Probability of Success

Are you wondering how likely it is that you will succeed in creating your dream?

What is holding you back? Fear? Money? Overwhelm?

First off, I suggest you embrace the possibility of success over the probability of success or failure. Living on the path of possibility instead of probability is more fulfilling and it can lead to incredible and amazing things. 

Secondly, by saying ‘No’ to all the aspects that you don’t want and proceeding only if you can do it your way will ensure your product will be the fullest expression of your uniqueness. This has considerably more value to the world than you may imagine.

Your Destination is the Path

When you want to know how to get from the seed of an idea to the end result of your vision, remember this:

The destination is the path.

Connecting with your vision and coming from that vision in every step, is the simplest ‘how’ to creating.  By repeating this over and over again, you create the essence of your vision in every step.

 

Goals vs. Intuition, What’s Best?

Some people rely on intuition to know what and how to create next.

Others use goals and structure to craft their visions into reality.

I don’t think one is better than the other. A balance of these ‘yin’ and ‘yang’ approaches is what seems most true to me.

Personally, I create structures that serve my heart. For example, I build habits to help me act with consistency on what I am called to create.

You Don’t Need a Coach

I operate under the belief that nobody needs a coach.

At the same time, I use a lot of tools for self development and self coaching as well as having my own coaches, teachers and mentors.

There can be neediness and codependence in the coaching dynamic which does not serve either party, so this is certainly something to watch out for.

For me, coaching is much more than a friendship – a coach is there to serve, not to please.

 

You’re Not Good Enough

It’s true.

You’re not good enough.

You can never be good enough because it’s not about you. Take a break from the ego trip and let inspiration come through you. Whatever this is does not belong to you, it is what you are being asked to give to the world.

It’s impossible to feel anxiety when you are focused only on giving.

Are you willing, for this moment, only to give?

 

 

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