One of the primary focuses of my own personal work is to fully remove myself from a coaching conversation. To not exist. To be purely reflective. To be invisible. To be nothing.
What I mean by this is that I don’t want any of my mental, emotional or spiritual energy concerned with myself when I’m coaching. I want the other person – their heart, their life, their spirit – being the only thing in my reality. I’m still very much on this journey, but over the past five years, I’ve made a lot of progress. One of the biggest obstacles has been – and still is when I forget to mention it up front – the point of proposing or offering coaching. As soon as money comes up, I lose my selfless orientation and start thinking about ‘me’.
‘Will they say yes to me? What will they think of my fee?’
The moment I fall into the trap of believing it is about me, I lose my grip and turn into a bumbling idiot. This makes people less likely to hire me, but this isn’t the only damage it does.
When someone’s confidence in me suddenly drops, everything we have created up until that point is undermined. I can see and feel that they begin second-guessing if what we talked about was possible for them.
In thinking of the famous Marianne Williamson quote…
“As we are liberated by our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I realize the inverse is also true…
“As we are confined by our own fears, our presence automatically confines others.”
It makes me sad to see how my own fear limits others. How dare I come into their life, open them to their deepest dreams and then with that door wide open, reach inside their heart and wrap my own fear around it?
Although it makes me sad to see this, looking at it is actually what gives me the courage to keep my grip throughout the conversation around fees. By not retreating into self-interest and fear when discussing money, I am able to maintain the integrity of everything we have created.
Of course by serving people more powerfully, the likeliness that they will say ‘YES’ to a coaching fee is higher as well.
The way I think about it now is my willingness to have uncomfortable conversations around fees and money IS how I serve people. In that moment I am BEING the fearlessness that through shared presence – will liberate them.
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
- Am I losing my grip when the money conversation comes up? Even a bit?
- How might this be impacting the people I am coaching?
- Who would I be for them if I were to keep my grip when discussing fees?
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