In this TEDxCCN talk I explain a simple model for differentiating between intentions of taking, trading and giving which enable you to create more enjoyable and higher quality connections between yourself and others.

John P Morgan speaking at YES Group London in January 2012

This is a talk I gave for my partners at Redefine Us on using social media. The focus of the talk was on creating real human connections online as opposed to the more common themes of using technical tools or social media marketing strategy. Talk sponsored by MessageBase.

Watch the full talk below…

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

In this talk I explain my method for attaining ‘Perpetual Motivation’ and living a passionate life.

Recorded on 16th June 2011 in London as part of an Interesting Talks in London event.

The audio version (listen or download below) is a bit longer, as it includes a Q&A at the end.

If you’d like a free copy of my Passionate Life Planning Method workbook, then just tell me where I can send it!

Please leave a comment below, because I would love to know your thoughts on my talk!

The following is a talk I gave at Healing Ibiza in Ibiza, Spain at the Atzaro Hotel Resort in May 2011.

You may download or listen to this talk as a podcast or watch the (blurry) video below.

In Richard Branson’s autobiography “Losing my Virginity” he frequently mentions calling someone of stature or fame…

My interest is on how he approaches such situations. What stood out for me here is not the overtly implied fact that he ‘just did it’, but the reoccurring inclusion of ‘picking up the phone’.

By including the words “picked up the phone” Branson is saying that calling people of stature or fame is as simple as picking up the phone.

However on a deeper level, embedded in these words, is evidence of a useful technique in overcoming otherwise challenging obstacles.

If calling someone is difficult, it’s certainly at least a bit easier once the phone is in your hand. (Like going for a run is easier once you have your running shoes on.)

This is not the big idea though. The big idea is where Branson’s (and your) attention goes. Branson’s primary attention is not on calling, but on picking up the phone.

Instead of focusing on making that phone call, focus on picking up the phone.

Instead of focusing on going for a run, focus on putting your shoes on each morning.

Change your focus and find yourself slipping past challenges like Richard Branson.

In Richard Branson’s autobiography “Losing my Virginity” I noticed a few times how he uses the word “decided” in places many people usually wouldn’t. Like in this passage…

This particular passage exemplifies the kind of worldview that leaders like Branson hold. At this meeting, he didn’t ‘realise’ they were right, nor did he ‘understand’ they were right…he ‘decided’ that they were right. This may seem like a subtle difference, but it’s not.

Think of the power contained in the ability to ‘decide’ for yourself and your business when something is right or wrong.  A decision does not necessarily make something true, but it certainly makes something happen.

If you want to make things happen, then instead of waiting to ‘know’ what to do, simply decide.

When I meet someone new, I want them to trust me as fast as humanly possible. I’m talking within minutes…seconds even. I want them comfortable telling me their private stories, their emotional weaknesses…not because I necessarily want to know any of this stuff, but because I want to make a real human connect with them.

Trust is a foundation for making a real human connect.

Honesty and authenticity are two of my highest values, so it can be frustrating when people I meet don’t trust me right away. However, to blame them for this useless. Mistrust of a strangers is natural and expected.

The smart approach is to simply get better at building trust.

In this 30 minute podcast I explain my three main pillars for creating rapid trust when meeting new people. The ideas come mostly from my personal experience building relationships in cities around the world and building businesses in different industries, along with some thinking from NLP, neuroscience and psychology. It is a condensed version of the content that I teach on my RHC trainings.

LISTEN NOW!

I would love your feedback on this! Did you find it interesting? Valuable?

If YES, then please share this on Facebook or Twitter and please leave your comments below!

There is so much talk about the newest and slickest techniques in persuasion that some of the most basic, time-tested and powerful rules are often forgotten (or never even learned). I’m not talking about the kind of stuff you learn in a course on secret language patterns. I’m talking about the core principles that fathers tell their sons, the stuff an old Chinese man probably wrote down a few thousand years ago.

Recently I was reminded of the most crucial key to winning at persuasion.

Despite repeated attempts, I’ve yet to make it into a cinema without buying popcorn. Going to see the film Inception a few weeks ago was no exception.

“One small please?” I requested.

“We only have medium and large containers left,” replied the twenty-something guy behind the counter.

“That’s OK…” I say glancing up at the menu displaying “Small £3.75” and “Medium £4.25” “…I’ll have a small popcorn inside of a medium container.”

He stood there dazed for a few seconds.

In the persuasion context, we would call this an incongruence or pattern interrupt. By saying something unexpected while he was in his routine, I had knocked his cognition slightly off-line and opened a window of opportunity to give him further suggestions. But I missed it and the window shut again.

He started shaking his head.His boss had probably told him that since there were no small containers left, to just up-sell everyone to a medium popcorn. Discussing the topic would have likely resulted in knee-jerk resistance, I decided to keep things moving along.

“Yep, that’s OK,” I said knowing he’d take this as meaning I was willing to pay full-price for a medium.

He filled the medium container to the brim and just as he was about to press the button on the till I blurted out “£3.75, right”?

Shaking his head, he came back to the counter and explained the situation again, but I played dumb.

“Oh, I thought you said you would just put a small amount of popcorn in the medium container?”

My thinking was that if continued with the transaction, that I could then interrupt him and utilising soft deception assert he misunderstood me, rendering a bit of guilt on his part and tipping the scale slightly in my favour.

He was still a step ahead of me and this didn’t work either.

This was a sloppy persuasion approach and it is not surprising that it failed.

Things came to a head. We were stuck in a“Yes” vs “No” battle.

“£3.75 for a small in the medium container.”I requested again.

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. It’s all right,” I insisted, slightly nodding like an idiot as if there was any hope left for subconscious, non-verbal influence.

Anyone overhearing our conversation would have thought I was wasting my time. My persuasion attempts had all failed and verbally it was going nowhere.

But it wasn’t about the popcorn any more. (It’s not always about the popcorn.)

We’d locked horns. It was about the game. I wanted to win.

And more importantly….I could see cracks forming in his emotional armour.

A shift in posture away from me showed his discomfort.

A quick flinch back towards the popcorn door showed he considered giving in.

He was inching closer and closer to the edge.

“Just put the small popcorn in the medium container and I will pay you £3.75” I say with a smile and a downward, commanding and friendly tone.

JACKPOT! Sort of….

He emptied some popcorn back into the bin…and then some more…and then too much!

I knew if I had asked him at that point to put some back, it could have ruined my progress, so once again I let him continue.

I can’t say I was psychologically ahead of him at that point, but at least we were in stride.

“Thank you,” I said handing over my debit card.

When the transaction was finished, following on with our pattern of compliance, I asked “Thank you very much and there is usually more than that in a small right? So could I have a bit more please?”

Half-defeated, half-happily, he took my medium container and shovelled a bunch more popcorn into it.

By the skin of my teeth…. or was that a popcorn kernel?

Persuasion is messy.

Your influence skills won’t always work. Situations where you need to be persuasive sneak up on you quickly. There is no way for you to be on top of your game all of the time.

When things do come to a head and your outcome has become the spotlight of the conversation, straight-up, in-your-face, hard-nosed insisting may be your only realistic option.

Insisting is best used when you have a sense the other person is considering giving in.

However, resorting to ugly “insisting” is not what this post is about. Being insistent is not where the true power lies.

The realistic key to your persuasive power is in being persistent.

Whether you’re overtly insisting or covertly influencing, persistence must be the undercurrent of your persuasion. Persistence leads to success.

I’ve seen it in business countless times. Especially in buying and selling.

A negotiation is rarely battle of wits, but a battle of will.

By being persistent, you are applying psychological pressure in order to break down the other person and you will succeed as soon as this pressure is stronger than the resistance they have to accepting your outcome.

When have you given in too early? As soon as someone says no, or maybe if it just seems like they might say no, do you give up?

By giving up, you not only fail to persuade, but you persuade yourself to fail.

Each time you give up, you teach yourself to respond that way again in the future. You teach yourself to NOT be persistent!

So you need to flip this around. And you will do it through intention.

Set your intention to be a more persistent persuader.

This is not to be confused with being a more insistent persuader. Insisting is to be avoided except as a very last resort!

If you want to be more persuasive, then BE MORE PERSISTENT.

If you are a persistent persuader – even if all of your persuasion skills fly out the window – you are still very likely to get what you want.

DISCUSSION

What do you think about persistence in persuasion?

Where in your life would being more persistent get you more of what you want?

I WOULD LOVE YOUR FEEDBACK. Do you like this? Do you find value in it?

If YES, then please share this article and add your comments below.

I accidentally pointed my camera at this drug dealer, which pissed him off, but I was able to talk him down and have him laughing in seconds.

Since I caught the whole thing on video, I have broken it down here second by second to explain what was happening in my head and what I did.

I WOULD LOVE YOUR FEEDBACK on this stuff. Do you like it? Do you find value in it? My plan is to do lots more real-world videos demonstrating authentic attraction, influence and inspiration and YOUR feedback is a big part of this.

Please share in the comments below.

I’ve had a hunch for awhile that positive affirmations could in some cases be destructive. I know it sounds strange, but keep reading…

I use positive affirmations almost daily, usually in short bursts before I’m going to do some activity or need a bit of motivation.

“I can get this done in 5 minutes, so start it now.  I’m awesome.”

“I’m incredibly good at this. They will love it.”

Most of the time I find the little trick very empowering and motivating.  However I have also noticed that in rare situations, positive self talk can result in an onslaught of “but” and “what if” internal dialogue.  Such dialogue is self-defeating and usually shifts my emotional state in a negative direction as well as reinforces my doubt.

I’ve also noticed that when complimenting people with a motivating statement, when they believe me, they become more motivated and when they don’t, they become more frustrated. Their emotional state is obviously also a critical factor. (And evidently if I happen to be speaking into their right ear versus their left, this can have an impact as well!)

Today I saw this article which summarizes some recent research on these exact ideas.

Reportedly people with low self esteem (or I’d suggest even confident people in a low self-esteem moment or context)  who tell themselves something positive, will actually strengthen their negative view.

For those of you holding onto “The Secret” as your last chance at achieving your dreams – don’t throw your hands up in the air. This is good news!

The powerful point of this research is simply this – Don’t bullshit yourself.

Before you go telling yourself you’re a God among Gods, you need to first honestly believe it.

Self-persuasion can be very useful for this. If you can’t manage persuade yourself, get in touch and I’ll help you.

Next time you’re down or even just in a less than spectacular mood, go ahead and try this…

Grab your headphones and find that one song that gets you feeling positive and full of energy more than any other. You might want to find a reasonably private spot, where you can at least close your eyes comfortably.

If you’re sitting, stand up.

Put the headphones on, start the song and close your eyes. Breath slowly and deeply through your nose.

Clasp both of your hands into light fists and now as the song picks up, pump your fists with each beat. Just a quick clench and release.

Pump….2….3….4….Pump….2….3….4….

As you feel those small surges of energy jolt from your pumping fists through your arms, let it flow up your back, straightening your posture. Let it flow up into your head, raising your chin a bit higher each time. Let that energy spread through your lips and into your cheeks, while on it’s way pulling up and back the corners of your mouth, spreading a wide smile across your face.

Now with your eyes still closed and you still pumping your fists to the beat, feeling that energy and still breathing deeply, imagine a time when you had incredibly high energy. Remember a time your were confident and gloriously happy. See that picture or movie in your mind and then begin to analyze it.

Who else is in the memory? What perspective are you at? First person? Second person? How big is the image? Is it color or black and white? Blurry or clear?

When you have a good handle on all the qualities and aspects of that visual memory, start to intensify it. Make it bigger, brighter and more colorful. If you’re not already in first person perspective, then bring yourself into that perspective of the memory.

Once you’ve done that, do the same with the sounds of your memory. What were they? The pitch? Loudness? Speed or intensity? Voices of others or yourself? And then make everything more intense. Make the sounds louder and clearer.

If you can recall any associated smells or tastes, do so and amplify those too.

Keep pumping your fists to the beat, straighting that back, lifting that chin, widening that smile, amplifying the sights, sounds tastes and smells of that memory. You might find yourself starting to life onto your toes, wanting to jump or fly from the jolts of positive power surging through you.

Whatever your mood was when you started, by the end of the song, your mood is remarkably better. If it is anything less than the ultimate high you know you’re capable of having, then rewind and do it again.

The positive effects are compounding. Do this with intense focus and desire for ten minutes and I promise it”ll blow you away how great you’ll feel.

The more times you practice the technique, the more powerful it becomes and the easier it is to achieve. After awhile you will be able to elicit a high energy and positive mood without the music.

In the same way that Pavlov’s dog would salivate when he heard the bell ring, with ample practice, simply pumping your fists with the correct intent will be enough to send chills up your spine and take you quickly from a whatever mood to a super positive mood!

Ask questions if you have them and let me know how it goes!